Why I Get Scared When People Are Kind to Me?

The world is a glittering mosaic of human interactions, sprinkled with kindness that bridges the gulf between hearts. Yet, it’s interesting how kindness, the beacon of positivity, can transform into an unsettling fear for some individuals. One such bewildering fear is getting scared when people are kind. I am one of those individuals. Yes, you heard it right. It is a personal experience and fear that I have grappled with for quite a while now. It feels like navigating through an uncharted territory, with a fear that constantly lurks in the shadows of my subconscious, making me anxious whenever someone showers kindness on me.

Roots of Fear of Kindness

Diving into the realm of psychology provides insights into the multifaceted roots of such fear. The fear of kindness often aligns itself with concepts in psychology, attachment styles, and traumatic experiences.

From a psychological perspective, certain personality disorders or burgeoning anxieties can drive this fear. People might perceive kindness as something that comes with a price, leading to a defensive mechanism against kindness.

Next, we take into consideration attachment styles that are formed early in our childhood, leading to profound impact on our behavior as we age. An insecure attachment style can make one self-protective, creating an aversion to kindness.

Lastly, the bitter residue of traumatic experiences such as betrayal and disappointment can form the basis of this fear. Kindness becomes a trigger that sets off the fire alarms in our brains, linking it to past traumas and breeding an intense unease.

Societal Influence and Prejudices

Our worldview is often shaped by influences and the environment around us. Media portrayals, misconceptions, and societal pressures and expectations may shed light on why some people develop fear of kindness.

In a media landscape where cunningness and manipulation are often disguised as kindness, such portrayals contribute to the misconceptions about kindness.

Moreover, societal expectations add fuel to the fire. The mounting pressure to reciprocate kindness leads to increased anxiety in some individuals, thereby inducing fear.

Why I Get Scared When People Are Kind to Me

Perspectives from Others Who Experience the Same Fear

The experience of fearing kindness is surprisingly more common than one might assume. Throughout my own journey, I’ve encountered numerous individuals who share this fear. Each person’s story is unique, with the psychological effects manifesting in different ways. For some, there are defensive tactics put up almost instinctively, acting as a shield against perceived emotional danger. Others might find themselves engaged in a relentless struggle, wrestling internally to suppress or rationalize their fears.

These encounters have shed light on the varied human responses to this particular fear. They illustrate that the fear of kindness is not a singular experience but a multifaceted one, with each individual carving out their own method of navigating through it. Some find solace in shared experiences, while others take comfort in knowing they are not navigating these waters alone.

The Science Behind Fear of Kindness

Have you ever pondered over whether there’s a tangible, scientific basis for the fear of kindness? Research in neurobiology provides some answers. Our brains are wired with specialized regions that are attuned to detect and react to fear, encompassing a sophisticated network of neural pathways.

When an act of kindness is misperceived as a potential threat, these brain regions get activated, setting off a cascade of physiological responses that prime us for either confrontation or escape—our primal ‘fight or flight’ instincts. For most, this system operates without a hitch, but the crux of the problem arises when kindness triggers this alarm system unnecessarily.

Compounding this, there is an overlap between this fear and various mental health conditions, which may include anxiety or personality disorders. These disorders can exacerbate or even trigger the fear of kindness, creating a complex psychological landscape to navigate.

Treatment avenues, like cognitive-behavioral therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and traditional talk therapy, shine a light of hope for those grappling with this fear. Such therapies can unpack the layers of fear, addressing both the symptoms and the underlying causes.

Coping with Fear of Kindness

From a personal perspective, managing this fear is an ongoing process that involves a blend of self-directed strategies and professional intervention. Practical steps such as setting clear personal boundaries have been instrumental for me, as have been practices that encourage self-love and a deeper understanding of self.

Journaling bi-weekly has provided a structured way to reflect on experiences of kindness, while mindfulness exercises have contributed to a greater sense of mental clarity and emotional stability.

On the other hand, professional assistance is invaluable in creating a non-judgmental environment where one can delve into their fears. Therapists can guide individuals through their complex emotions and support them on the road to recovery.

The Journey Towards Trust and Acceptance

Embarking on a journey to conquer a fear is a venture that necessitates a deep understanding of oneself. Recognizing and accepting one’s fear is the foundational step towards overcoming it. It’s about building trust incrementally, in oneself and in others, and acknowledging that this trust-building is a process that cannot be rushed.

In navigating this path, one must accept that encountering setbacks is a natural part of the healing process. Viewing these setbacks not as failures but as opportunities for growth is pivotal. There may be moments where it becomes necessary to revisit and refine one’s coping mechanisms or to seek out a more robust support system.

Although the road to overcoming the fear of kindness can be strewn with challenges, the pursuit of a life free from such fear is a compelling and worthwhile goal. With each step towards trust and acceptance, the journey itself becomes a testament to the resilience and strength of the human spirit.


My journey has been a rollercoaster, filled with both personal growth and understanding. I have come to value understanding and empathy from others toward my fear.

I fervently believe in the power of sharing stories, and I invite readers to reciprocate. It is a hopes that by shedding light on my fear of kindness, others navigating similar waters will feel less alone. You, too, can conquer your fear. After all, it is our fears that shape us, but it is also our courage to confront them that truly defines us.