15 Tips to Stop Being So Hard on You (Proven To Work)


Living in a world filled with pressures and expectations, being critical of ourselves is a common occurrence. The high standards set by society and ourselves can often lead to neglecting the importance of self-compassion. We may think that being hard on ourselves will push us to work harder and achieve more, but it can actually have the opposite effect.

Being too harsh on oneself invites several adverse effects, including impaired mental health and compromised well-being. Thus, we need to understand the criticality of being kind to ourselves and stop being overly critical.

Why You’re Being Hard on Yourself

Delving into the reasons behind our tendency to be hard on ourselves can reveal patterns and triggers that lead to self-critical behavior. The journey towards understanding this can be complex, involving a mix of personal history, societal influences, and individual temperament.

Unrealistic Expectations

A significant contributor to self-criticism is the imposition of unrealistic expectations upon oneself. In both our personal and professional spheres, we may set goals that are not just ambitious, but often unattainable within the given circumstances or timeframes. Striving for excellence is commendable, but when the pursuit becomes a relentless chase for an impossible standard, it inevitably leads to a sense of failure and self-reproach.

These unrealistic expectations can be internalized standards of perfection that we fail to meet consistently, creating a cycle of negativity. Every shortfall is seen not as a minor setback but as a monumental failure, leading to a harsh dialogue with oneself that can be demoralizing.

Past Failures or Mistakes

Our previous failures and mistakes can haunt our present self-perception. We are supposed to learn from our past, to allow our missteps to inform better choices in the future. However, instead of harnessing these experiences constructively, we often fall into the trap of using them as benchmarks for our incapabilities, thus perpetuating a cycle of negative self-evaluation.

This can manifest in a reluctance to try new things for fear of repeating past errors, leading to a stagnant state where growth is stifled by the ghost of old failures. This negative self-reflection can create a lens through which we view ourselves, one that distorts and diminishes our actual abilities and achievements.

15 Tips to Stop Being So Hard on You

Comparison with Others

The habit of comparing oneself to others is an all-too-common source of self-criticism. In the age of social media, where the highlights of others’ lives are constantly on display, it is easy to fall into the trap of believing that everyone else is faring better in life.

This comparison seldom accounts for the complexities and challenges of others’ lives, presenting an unfair and unrealistic standard. It’s a practice that not only breeds dissatisfaction but also propagates a punitive attitude towards oneself when the comparison is unfavorable. The destructive nature of this habit lies in its ability to overshadow our unique strengths and successes.

Societal Pressures

Societal expectations and pressures play a significant role in how we measure our self-worth. The cultural definitions of what it means to be successful, happy, or attractive can impose a rigid framework that many find difficult to fit into.

These societal standards are often internalized without our conscious awareness, leading to self-deprecation when we fail to match up to these prescribed norms. The pressure to conform can be an overwhelming force, one that fuels a relentless inner critic that overlooks our individuality and diverse paths to fulfillment.

Recognizing Signs You’re Being So Hard on Yourself

Awareness of the signs that indicate we are being overly self-critical is crucial for taking steps to mitigate this harmful mindset.

Feelings of Anxiety or Overwhelm

Chronic feelings of stress and anxiety, particularly about seemingly minor issues, can be a red flag signaling an excessive self-pressure. When you’re consistently overwhelmed, it’s worth examining if you’re placing unrealistic demands on yourself, turning everyday challenges into sources of significant distress.

Persistent Self-Criticism

If your internal monologue is saturated with negative self-talk and you find that you’re your own harshest critic, it’s likely you’re being too hard on yourself. This persistent negativity can be debilitating, coloring your view of your actions and abilities in an unfairly harsh light.

Difficulty Taking Constructive Criticism

An inability to accept constructive criticism without deep personal upset can indicate that your self-judgment is too severe. When every piece of feedback feels like a personal attack, it’s a sign that you may not be treating yourself with the kindness and understanding you deserve.

Low Self-Esteem or Confidence

A perpetual sense of insufficiency and struggles with self-confidence can be symptomatic of excessive self-criticism. When you can’t recognize or celebrate your achievements, always feeling like you’re falling short, it’s indicative of a self-assessment that’s skewed towards the negative. Recognizing these signs is the first step in adjusting your self-perception towards a more balanced and compassionate view of yourself.

Practical 15 Tips to Stop Being So Hard on You:

Recognizing when and why we are overly critical of ourselves is the first step towards improvement. The following tips offer practical ways to counteract these tendencies and cultivate a more forgiving attitude towards oneself.

Practicing Self-Compassion

One effective approach is to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would extend to others. This can involve several techniques:

  • Mindful Thinking: Be aware of your internal dialogue and actively challenge negative thoughts.
  • Affirmative Self-Talk: Replace self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations that reinforce your worth and capabilities.
  • Maintaining a Positive Thinking Journal: Writing down positive thoughts and accomplishments can help shift focus from negative self-perceptions to more positive ones.

Shifting Your Mindset

Embracing your imperfections and understanding that failures are part of the learning process is crucial.

  • Embrace Imperfections: Recognize that being imperfect is inherently human and that mistakes offer valuable learning opportunities.
  • Reframe Failures: Instead of viewing failures as setbacks, see them as stepping stones toward success.
  • Supportive Self-Dialogue: Actively work to replace the self-critical inner voice with a more supportive and forgiving one.

Reducing Comparison with Others

It’s important to identify what triggers comparisons and take steps to enhance self-esteem and self-acceptance.

  • Focus on Personal Growth: Redirect your energy towards personal achievements and progress, rather than comparing yourself with others.
  • Enhance Self-Esteem: Engage in activities that boost your self-confidence and remind you of your unique strengths and abilities.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Proper goal setting and prioritization can significantly reduce self-imposed pressure.

  • Prioritize Tasks: Identify what’s most important and focus your efforts there.
  • Set Achievable Goals: Aim for attainable objectives that challenge you without overwhelming you.

Accepting and Responding to Constructive Criticism

Developing the ability to view criticism as a tool for self-improvement rather than a personal attack is essential.

  • Learn from Feedback: Try to extract the constructive elements from criticism to improve your skills or behaviors.

Practicing Mindfulness and Self-Care

Incorporating mindfulness and self-care into your routine can profoundly impact your mental well-being.

  • Mindfulness Practices: Techniques like meditation can help in achieving mental clarity and peace.
  • Regular Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish both your physical and emotional well-being, like exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature.

Implementing these Tips into Daily Life

Incorporating these strategies into your daily life requires a thoughtful and consistent approach.

A Step-By-Step Approach

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start with small, manageable changes and gradually build on them.

Maintaining Consistency

For these changes to become ingrained habits, it’s important to practice them consistently, even on challenging days.

Dealing with Setbacks

Expect that there will be days when things don’t go as planned. Accept these setbacks as part of the process and resume your efforts without harsh self-judgment. Remember, the journey to self-improvement is not linear, and patience with oneself is key.


Ending the cycle of persistent self-criticism is crucial for our mental well-being. We’ve discussed various ways to stop being so hard on yourself, ranging from understanding why and when we’re harsh on ourselves to adopting measures like self-compassion, reducing comparison with others, practicing mindfulness, and more.

Remember, the journey to self-love starts with a single step. Keep taking baby steps every day towards self-compassion, and soon enough, you’ll find a noticeable improvement in your self-esteem and overall happiness. You are worthy and deserving of the highest love and compassion, so let’s start practicing it today!